Those Damn Californian Sparks
by Iloveplotbunnies
Summary: When Van Pelt joined the CBI, she had expected a man's world, but she had never expected sparks to be apart of the job requirements. J/L-ish. PARODY.


**Title: **Those Damn Californian Sparks

**Author: **Iloveplotbunnies

**Rating: **T for language, minor violence, and humor.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own this, and as for the idea, I have joint-custody with **PetitJ**.

**Spoilers: **Season 3, yes.

**Summary: **When Van Pelt joined the CBI, she had expected a man's world, but she had never expected sparks to be apart of the job requirements. J/L-ish, J/VP-ish.

**Pairing(s)**: Jane/Lisbon, Jane/Van Pelt, Lisbon/Van Pelt (friendship)

* * *

><p>Firstly, this is a <em>parody<em>. Please read it as such. :)

Secondly, the idea of "sparks" (or "engaging in courtship", as the dictionary tells me) is something to poke fun at, considering that almost every starring woman has had some type of "spark" with Jane.

Thirdly, these pairings might not be your cup of tea—however, this story does not deal much with the pairings, I promise. It just deals with the sparks.

* * *

><p>Part 1:<p>

**Right from the Start**

* * *

><p>Straight out of the police academy; she had packed up her meager belongings, and moved to Sacramento, California, although she continued to tell her parents, her friends (and herself) that California had more possible job opportunities than Iowa, she knew that secretly, deep inside, that she was running away from a past, better left forgotten.<p>

Of course, her apartment within the sunlit city of Sacramento wasn't the _best_, but she remained forever the optimist and tried to make her rat-infested apartment feel like home until she could find a job, and happen upon a better apartment, but finding a job became like winning the lottery to her; nearly impossible.

It was at her fourth job interview, however with the Oakland PD, that realized that California would be the same as Iowa; she would be known for her natural beauty (if any of the leering stares from the male and some female officers had been any sort of indication) than her education. Nobody cared if she had been at the top of her class in the academy, or if she was good with technology and numbers because the rejection letters seemed to spell the same thing: _inexperience_, but the truth was, most of the men-in-charge would ask her about a boyfriend, she would lie and two days later, a letter would come in her mailbox, saying 'thank you, but no thank you.'.

By the end of her seventh interview, and seventh rejection; she tempted the idea of leaving Sacramento, when she noticed the blinking red light on her answering machine. The bright LED of the caller-ID on her cordless phone read some _555_ number, and she pressed play only to become pleasantly surprised that when the voice wasn't manly.

"_This is the California Bureau of Investigation" _

In fact, the voice was clearly female and the clearly female voice asked, over the answering machine, if she would like to be interviewed for a job; an agent within the Serious Crimes Unit.

Then and there, her heart almost burst in excitement and relief.

She didn't wait for the message to end, as she dialed the number on the caller-ID to schedule the interview with Senior Agent Lisbon and Director Minelli, and being one who was rarely unprepared, she decided to research both her possible co-workers and boss.

The Serious Crimes Unit or the SCU, as she learned was made up of four members:

Agents Wayne Rigsby, Kimball Cho and Teresa Lisbon, who all seemed to carry their own high achievements beyond the 'agent' ranking; Cho had military experience, Lisbon had been at the top of her class and Rigsby used to work with arson. All-in-all, she was impressed with the mass of achievements and not one of them seemed inexperienced, which made her nervous. The fourth member, however—wasn't an agent. He had no weapon, no badge or commendations but she wasn't blind to who Patrick Jane was, or who he had once been. Personally, she had always wondered how a man of his stature could go from being on-screen to behind the screen in a matter of years.

On the day of her interview, she arrived fifteen minutes early (dressed in her best black slacks and a baby blue blouse) only to be led to the Head Director's office.

Nervously, she waited until Director Virgil Minelli beckoned her into his sparsely decorated office. He didn't say anything to her, and instead he allowed the petite brunette behind his desk to do all the talking with a single nod.

"Senior Agent Lisbon, SCU. Please take a seat, Ms. Van Pelt."

Never before had she imagined Teresa Lisbon, in the days from her Google search, to be larger than life itself as she sat down across from the woman, but she was. The woman who at best, only stood at five feet and three inches seemed as if she could cause silence with her mere presence and Van Pelt respected her.

Admired her even, because female senior agents were rare, and this one _obviously _hadn't slept her way up the ladder.

The interview didn't last long, before Director Minelli slipped out the door, and the questions stopped, only for Lisbon to gaze at her with her emerald eyes. Van Pelt sat quietly, and finally, Senior Agent Lisbon spoke again.

"You're attractive."

Van Pelt didn't know what to say—the idea that her possible boss would call her attractive unnerved her, but she remained quiet.

"Top of your class, you have impressive credentials." Lisbon paused, as she glanced down at something on the desk. "Your experience is lacking, but working within the Serious Crimes Unit will give you that experience." Lisbon became silent, as she continued to glance at whatever she was reading, until finally, she peered back up at Van Pelt. "If it were up to me, I'd hire you."

Her face fell, and she bit her lip.

"Ms. Van Pelt, this decision is all yours."

Van Pelt brightly smiled. "Where do I sign?"

Lisbon shook her head. "I'm sure you've researched our unit." Van Pelt nodded. "Then, you would know Patrick Jane is apart of this…family?"

"Yes, I do."

"Jane doesn't exactly work well, or play fair."

She still didn't see the problem, until Lisbon slid the job contract toward her and coyly directed her to flip to page 10. She did so, and her jaw dropped.

"You can see why finding someone to fill this position is hard."

"Does Director Minelli know about this?" Lisbon nodded, and Van Pelt harshly swallowed.

"Jane works better when he thinks somebody is flirting with him; we call it 'the sparks' in contract form."

"The Sparks?"

"Nearly every woman who comes into the CBI for one of our cases is asked to…be flirtatious; to allow those 'sparks' to fly."

"You do this." It wasn't a question.

"I do." Lisbon replied. "Coy smiles, innocent words, banter here and there—and he thinks you're flirting with him."

"But…you aren't?"

"It keeps his mind off his wife and child, which he needs." Van Pelt wondered if something more was going on between the both of them, considering she had dismissed her question with a shake of the head, and that response was just too..._vague_.

"What about the other individuals within your unit? Aren't they male?"

"Yes, they are." She couldn't even start to imagine _that _arrangement. "However, they don't know about this; it's the best kept female secret within the CBI." Instead of a response, Lisbon slid a pen across to her. "Now that I've discussed the rules with you, you can sign."

She hesitated.

"If you're worried about hurting him," Van Pelt glanced at the woman in surprise. "I promise you won't; what we do does more good than harm."

Though the entire practice seemed…strange, she sent a small smile toward Lisbon and decided as she held the pen in her hand.

"Where do I sign, Boss?"


End file.
